I weep with grief; encourage me by Your word. Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing Your law. I have chosen to be faithful; I have determined to live by Your laws.
I read these verses yesterday, and I cannot get them out of my thoughts. It's as if they found a cozy little spot in my brain, settled in and now stubbornly refuse to leave. I'm grateful for that, because as soon as I read them, I felt as though I could have written them.
The thing with baby-loss is that many parents (mothers in particular) have a tendency to blame themselves. Even though one of the first things my wonderful midwife said to me after the diagnosis was that it wasn't my fault, often I would still blame myself. After all, if there's any time during a child's life that a mother should be able to protect them, isn't it pregnancy?
When I read the psalmist's prayer that God would keep him from lying to himself, I resonated with that. Because I know that the self-blame is a lie. As I was writing this post, I read a post my friend Sarah has written. It's called A Battle Unseen, and I encourage you to read it. It made me remember that the thoughts of self-blame are not lies that I tell myself, but lies from the devil. She's included quite a few Scriptures as well, which combat the lies. A very hand reference :)
And it doesn't just apply to baby-loss. The devil will try to make you believe all sorts of lies, and he'll disguise them as your own thoughts. Things such as "you're worthless, unloved, always to blame."
It's not the truth.
-You are not worthless
-You are not to blame for your parents separating
-You are loved by many people
-You do have a purpose
-God does not regret making you
-God does not hate you
-God loves you