August 13

August 13.

Many things have happened on this day (thanks to the ever reliable Wikipedia for these events):
*1521 - Tenochtitlan, now known as Mexico City, falls to the conquistador Hernan Cortes.
*1792 - King Louis XVI of France is arrested and declared an enemy of the people.
*1913 - Stainless Steel is first produced in the UK.
*1918 - Women enrol in the US Marine Corps for the first time.
*1946 - Writer H.G. Wells dies.
*1961 - East Germany closes the border between east and west Berlin to stop people fleeing to the west.
*1969 - A ticker tape parade is held in honour of the astronauts from Apollo 11.

But without a doubt, my favourite August 13 in history is the one that occurred in 1988. Because that's when one of my favourite people was born.

Alyce, happy birthday!

Alyce is my sister and one of my closest friends.

I was her maid of honour.

She was my matron of honour.

We have a lot of thing in common, such as a love for Josh Groban and the ability to produce cute offspring! :P We even, unintentionally, had the same top while pregnant (although a few years apart)!

The one thing we don't have in common is crafting abilities... I have next to none, while Alyce makes incredible quilts. She made a pram quilt for Ariella as well as a cot quilt, both of which we love.

Ariella's cot quilt, photo taken by Alyce.

And she's got fabric to make a quilt for Baby #2 also. You can see all of her wonderful creations as Blossom Heart Quilts.

Alyce, I love you. I hope you have a wonderful day today and that the Tokyo August weather isn't too disgusting for you!

Twenty things

This week I'm helping out at a Kids Club that our church is running, and today I had to tell the children three things about me including one thing that was a lie. It was pretty funny to see their guesses as to which statement was a lie (I'd say half guessed correctly), and it made me think of some other random things about me that people may or may not know. So here you are, twenty things about me that you may not have known:

1) I used to be able to break-dance. Not a lot, but after six months of lessons, you pick up a few things! But that was five years ago, and I haven't done any since...so don't ask me to perform for you!

2) I have never been on a roller-coaster. The closest I've come is the old Mad Mouse ride at the Adelaide Show, but I really don't think that counts. There was no loops and it didn't even go that fast. But I have to admit, I don't have a strong desire to go on one!

3) I've been fishing four times. Twice I caught nothing, one time we were fishing for tommies, so they were quite small. And one time I caught an 81cm, 7kg barra! People don't often believe that one, so here's the proof:

Ta-da!!

4) I have sung on stage with the Grammy Award winning band Audio Adrenaline. Sure, it was only one chorus of one song, but nevertheless...I was pulled onto the stage at a concert about 8 or 9 years ago, and go to sing a chorus of the song Beautiful while the band played. It was quite exciting, as they were my favourite band.

5) I hate singing in front of people. Alone in the car or shower, I love singing and do it a lot. But stick me in front of people, and I'm terrified. I don't know exactly how that fits with the last point, but I guess the excitement of the moment got me through!

6) The most unique thing I think I've ever eaten is kangaroo tail. It was chopped into sections (fur still attached), wrapped in foil and placed under the coals of a fire. It was exceptionally hard to peel off the hot fur without burning my fingers, and after I managed to do that I discovered that I really didn't like the taste. Oh well!

7) I have been to Uluru (Ayres Rock) but chose not to climb it. Instead, we walked around the base, and that rock is incredible!

8) I have been to extremely remote parts of the Philippines (up in the mountain ranges, where the Japanese were stopped during WWII and also where they signed their official surrender), but I have not been to Sydney.

9) There is a joke in my home town that no matter where you go, you will run into someone who knows you or knows a friend. Even in a city of 1 million people, this seems very true. When I went to the Philippines in 2008, we travelled to a rather remote village (see point 8), and I met an older lady named Lumen. When she heard where I was from, she seemed quite interested. It turns out she knew a lady who lived here. And guess what... I knew her too. I had travelled 10 hours by plane, and another 14 or so by bus away from home, and STILL met someone who knew a friend of mine. Crazy!

Sitting with Lumen at a dinner celebration

10) I don't keep a lot of non-practical clothes, but I have four formal dresses, two bridesmaid dresses and one wedding dress. Other than a couple of the formal dresses, they've all only been wore once, but I do not want to get rid of them!

11) I learnt on my wedding day to be careful how many faces you pull, because there will almost always be a camera pointed to you. For example:

*sigh* What was I doing??

12) I still remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that my sister was going in for a c-section with my nephew; that phone call is clearer in my mind than the one we received telling us that he had arrived! I was with her and her hubby for my niece's birth, so no phone calls to remember for that one!

13) Many of you would know this, but there are three things I detest: coffee, bacon and swans. And friends have a habit of taking photos of swans and tagging me in them on Facebook. Alyce and Naomi, I'm looking at you. Thanks...not!

14) I would love to go diving with a great white shark, provided I was in a cage. But I think the closest I've come to doing something like that was holding a crocodile...a baby one...whose jaw was tied shut...

In Broome, Western Australia

15) There is no way you could ever convince me to bungee jump. But I'd absolutely love to go sky-diving!

16) I'm allergic to dishwashing liquid. Seriously! So if you ever ask me to wash the dishes, I will flat-out refuse, unless you have gloves for me to use.

17) I always said I'd never be a teacher. Both my mum and sister are teachers, so I wonder if that had anything to do with it. But what do I do for a job now? Homeschool teacher. Dad seemed to think it was pretty funny, and so do I. I still have absolutely no desire to be a classroom teacher though.

18) I love reading and do so pretty quickly. Just this afternoon I read an entire book, and it was quite good! I read fiction much quicker than non-fiction, unless it's a biography. That's my favourite genre.

19) One of my closest friends and I disagree on many theological issues, but I don't think it has ever impacted our friendship. It can be quite funny, and we've had a number of pleasant discussions about our differences. Neither of us will change the other one's mind, but lunch breaks at college would always be more interesting if we were doing an essay on one of those issues!

20) I feel pretty blessed to be able to say that I don't have one "best friend". I have a number of close friends, without whom my life would be very different. I'm thankful for all of them, especially my sister. I know that not everyone has a relationship with their sibling like I do with mine, so I'm very grateful.

Love you Alyce!

When the evening comes: in memory of Tom Salt

The past six weeks have been difficult for my extended family. My sister's grandfather-in-law Tom Salt, aka Poppa, became very sick. I can't remember all the details, but he ended up in hospital with seizures, swelling of the brain and a few other things. Miraculously, after just five weeks he was up and walking and able to go home to his beloved wife Pam, aka Nanna. 

On Sunday night he had a massive heart attack, and was once more taken to hospital. This time it seemed certain that it would be the end of life here on earth for Poppa. On Thursday morning, Poppa died. He got to go meet his Saviour Jesus, face to face. What an experience that would have been. 

Tom with his beloved wife Pam

I didn't know him very well, but had the chance to get to know him a little while my sister and her family lived with him. He seemed like a remarkable man - full of love for his family and very generous. He was quite involved in his church and did a lot of community work with them. What I noticed most was his love for his great-grandchildren, my niece and nephew. He was always keen to tell me the latest thing they had been doing, and they adored him too. My little nephew would happily spend hours (or as long as Poppa would stay!) throwing a ball with him. No wonder little J has such good ball skills now! When Ariella died, he and his wife sent us a very cute Baby Girl card, and it is still one of my favourite cards. Since my sister's family moved to Japan, I didn't see him very much. And I missed him. I guess I should have just popped in for a visit every now and then, since I knew they wouldn't mind.

One of my current favourite worship songs is 10,000 Reasons, written by Matt Redman. My favourite parts?

Whatever may pass

And whatever lies before me

Let me be singing

When the evening comes

And on that day

When my strength is failing

The end draws near

And my time has come

Still my soul will sing your praise unending

10,000 years and then forever more

During his last week at home with his wife, Tom told her that he was at peace and not afraid, as he knew he was going to a better place. When the evening came for Tom, his soul was singing God's praise. I hope the same is true for me whenever my evening comes.

Overwhelmed by Love

I have a confession to make. I was dreading Mothers Day, not because my Ariella isn't with me, but because I was scared that people wouldn't acknowledge me and my little girl. Looking back now, I don't know why I was worried. My friends and family are amazing. I should have known that they would be there for me.

I was tossing up whether to name this post overwhelmed by love or I should have known. Both are true, but I decided to go for the first one. Soon after Ariella's birth, I said on Facebook that I was overwhelmed by love, as it seemed the best way to express how loved, cared for and prayed for that I felt in those difficult days. And I feel the exact same way now. Flowers, cards, gifts, messages, emails - friends went out of their way to let me know that they were thinking of me, that I wasn't alone, and that they missed my Ariella too. Among other things, I received a key-ring with her name on it (there's something very special about seeing her name) and a couple of lion-related things (her name means lioness of God). I have a cold, so smells are a bit dulled at the moment. Even so, my lounge room smells amazing from the flowers people gave me. (Some were anonymous, so I don't know who to thank. If it was you...thank you!)

To all my friends and family who thought of me yesterday, thank you. I don't think I can adequately express how much it meant to me. I truly am overwhelmed by love.

A gift from a dear friend: "Ariella Jade, Forever Loved"

Mothers Day

My dearest Ariella Jade,

Thank you for making me a mother.

I love you.

My hero

My husband is my hero. Why? Well I'm glad you asked!

It's because he's so perfect for me; he always takes care of me and so often he knows what I need before I do.

I don't think I could put into words what he means to me. From staying up late with me because I can't sleep, to agreeing to do all the shopping so I can avoid Mothers Day items in the supermarkets, he never ceases to amaze me with his thoughtfulness.

But it's not about what he does; it's about who he is. He's the most thoughtful, caring, generous man I've ever met, and I am beyond honoured to be his wife.

People tell me I am strong and brave for blogging about my thoughts. But if it wasn't for my husband, I wouldn't even be strong enough or brave enough to get out of bed each morning.

I love you Husband.

Acknowledged

I love it when people acknowledge my daughter, or ask to see photos of her. Please don't be afraid to mention Ariella for fear of making me sad...chances are I'm already sad!

Perhaps the cutest acknowledgement comes from my three year old nephew, J. We have a photo of Ariella in our lounge room, and a few times while here, J has stopped playing, looked at her photo, and said loudly, "It's Ari-lella!" It's always been an out-of-the-blue acknowledgement, and is extra cute given the slight mispronunciation of her name.

It makes my heart smile to hear my daughter's existence acknowledged, especially in such a cute way.

Thankful

Some things I am thankful for, in no particular order:

• My midwife, Julie. She was allocated as my midwife when I was 20 weeks pregnant, and from the first voice-mail she left, I knew she sounded like a lovely lady. And she is. She has been with us literally every step of the way, from the first diagnosis of "no heartbeat", through labour and birth, daily visits in the first week and frequent visits from then on, Ariella's service, and our final visit to the doctor. She's an amazing woman, and I'm grateful to have gotten to know her.
• Birth. Even though I had to be induced, labour and birth progressed as though I'd gone into labour naturally. I even got to have the waterbirth I had hoped for. This meant that I didn't have to deal much with a physical recovery, just an emotional one.
• Time. We had two full days to spend with Ariella. Hearing stories of people who never even got to see their baby makes me even more grateful.
• My church family. They have provided all sorts of things for us - meals, money, cards, prayers, hugs...you name it, someone at church has probably done it for us. This includes one of our pastors, who brought us dinner on the Tuesday night, and stayed to eat with us (we hadn't even thought about the fact we would have to eat, yet alone what to eat!)
• My immediate family (Mum, Dad, sister and brother-in-law). Four pretty special people.
• My husband. He's amazing. 
• My daughter. I love her.
• My God. Always faithful, even in the deepest pit.

Lamentations 3:55-57

I called on your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief." You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not fear."

Brave

My favourite singer is Josh Groban. Ever since I was first introduced to his music almost 10 years ago, I have eagerly awaited the release of new songs and albums. This year was no different. His latest album was due to be released on February 5, which was also Ariella's due date. For some reason that made me even more excited. I could have some amazing new music to listen to while holding my new baby. 

I didn't realise just how connected his songs would become to my daughter. 

The first single from the album is called Brave, and it was released about a week before Ariella's birth. Before the induction on Tuesday, my sister sent me the lyrics for the song. Even though I had listened to it multiple times (it had been on repeat for days,just ask my poor husband!), I hadn't connected with the lyrics until I read them in connection with my daughter's death:

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so.
You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's oh so close.
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face of what I don't understand,
My reason to be brave.

I wanted to run. I wanted to look away. No heartbeat? IT CAN'T BE SO! And it was oh so close. Too close. 

But my husband was my reason to be brave. I could not get through this without him. 

I love you Husband.

(To hear the whole song: Josh Groban, Brave)