Three years of Celebrating Ariella Jade

Ariella turns three this week! As we have done in previous years, we invite you to celebrate and remember her with us. We'll be lighting a candle on her Heaven Day and watching the sunset on her birthday (if Levi and Seanna don't need to be in bed first!). Would you join us? We would absolutely love to see photos of you celebrating our girl - please post here in the comments, on Facebook or Instagram using #celebratingariellajade . I know some people like to make a donation in her name (although of course there is NO pressure to do so) - our favourite organisations are Heartfelt, Sands and SIDS and Kids, but any donation in her name are appreciated. However you celebrate her this week, please tell us about it. It brings a smile to our hurting hearts. Thank you!

Heaviness

I first notice it in December, when the birthdays begin. Little children turning three. We were pregnant at the same time, their mamas and I. I thought our children would grow up together; I remember waiting to hear their names and hoping none would share a name with our baby. I remember laughing as one was given a name we had seriously considered and I was so glad we had chosen a different one. I didn't realise just how sacred her name would become. 

I notice it again at Christmas, in the glaring absence of one precious little girl. There's silence where her laughter should be and her present being opened by her brother...not her. 

It hits once more on New Years Eve as I remember the joy and hope of NYE 2012. We welcomed in the year on the beach, laughing with friends and trying to find someone with matches so we could light our sparklers. 2013 was a year filled with hope and anticipation. Until it wasn't. 

And then the end of January draws near. The heaviness that has been lurking since December gets stronger. Darker. Suffocating-er. I didn't realise grief could be so physical. 

I cannot breathe.

Because, next week. 

Next week is the Australia Day public holiday. The day we found out she had died. The date changes but the memories don't. 

Next week is her Heaven Day, when our sweet baby girl arrived in Heaven. My sad day. When the heaviness is as heavy as heavy can be. 

Next week is her birthday. The day I felt a rush of love I had never felt before but also a sorrow I had never felt before. The day I caught her as she was born and smiled because she was indeed a she, just as I had suspected. Next week we'll picnic on the beach and write her name in the sand. Because the day she entered our lives is worth celebrating. 

 

Next week she'd be three. 

Two...

It's hard to believe that it's been two years since we said hello and goodbye to our beautiful Ariella Jade. Last year, we organised a "birthday week" for her so that people could celebrate her life with us. I had planned to do the same this year, but it was too hard to think about so I never got around to it. However, some people have asked how best to support us and there were a few things last year that were really special. So I've put together a couple of things you may like to do if you want to celebrate her with us.

If you choose to celebrate with us, please let us know.

-Take a photo and share it with us via Facebook or Instagram using the hashtag #celebratingariellajade 

-Send a message telling us what you have done in her memory

-Leave a comment on this post 

Obviously there is no pressure to donate in her memory, so please don't feel like you must. This year, Marcus and I will be donating a bear through Pregnancy Loss Australia - these teddy bears are given to parents at the hospital so that they do not have to leave with completely empty arms. The tag on the bear says who it is donated in memory of - the bear we have is in memory of Lily and it was a comfort to hold it straight after the ultrasounds that showed Ariella had died. I always wonder who Lily was and I'm so grateful for the person who donated the bear in her memory. It's $20 to donate and it can be done on their website.

Thank you for those who have already messaged and supported us in the lead up to her special days. We appreciate every single message and card and we are so thankful that our girl is not forgotten. 

Ariella's Birthday Week

Next week is a significant week - it's the one year anniversary of Ariella's death and her first birthday. I have to be honest and say that it's quite difficult to think about those days. But no matter how hard those days seem to be, I still want to celebrate our girl. My friend Sarah had a "birthday week" to celebrate her little Evie. I loved the idea and decided to do likewise for Ariella. Will you join us as we spend the week celebrating the life our little girl had?

I've put together a range of different things you could do to celebrate Ariella throughout the week. If you choose to celebrate with us, please let us know.

-Take a photo and share it with us via Facebook or Instagram using the hashtag #celebratingariellajade 

-Send a message telling us what you have done in her memory

-Leave a comment on this post 

For those who want to donate in her memory, three organisations have helped us a lot.

• Heartfelt: provided our gorgeous photos of Ariella. Many of you donated to the camera project for my birthday and enough money was raised to completely cover two kits and half of another (Heartfelt covered the other half). If you would like, you could donate so that Heartfelt have to contribute less towards that third kit. My fundraising page has closed, but you can donate via the website and just write in the comments that it is in memory of Ariella Jade for the camera kits.
• Pregnancy Loss Australia: gave us a care package on the day we found out Ariella had died. It included a teddy bear so that we had something in our arms when we left hospital. You can donate in Ariella's name and provide a teddy/care package for another grieving family.
• Sands: provide great ongoing support. I went to a support meeting and it was the first and only place where my grief has felt normal. They rely heavily on donations and you can donate in Ariella's name.

Please feel no obligation to donate, but I thought I would suggest a few options if that is something you would like to do. Thank you in advance for any way you choose to remember and celebrate Ariella Jade next week. 

When Wishes Come True

A week ago, I celebrated my birthday. And it truly was worth celebrating, because of all of YOU wonderful people. Three weeks before my birthday, I blogged about how I was dreading my birthday without Ariella. I wrote about how just the thought of my birthday was enough to make me get teary, until I decided that I wanted to make this birthday count. I shared with you my birthday wish - to raise enough money to donate a Heartfelt Camera Kit to a hospital in need.

I am so, so excited to say that my wish came true. As of today, we have raised $2,020 for Heartfelt! That's two kits and then some!! Two hospitals that will receive a great camera and a session with Heartfelt, two hospitals that will be able to provide bereaved parents with precious photographic memories of their darling babies. And Ariella's name and birthday will be engraved on those cameras. The fundraising page is open for 30 more days, so if you want to donate, you still can. Perhaps we can reach the amount needed for a third kit ($560 to go), but if we can't, that money will still go to Heartfelt and supporting their work. They are an amazing organisation and I am so grateful for them.

(PS - If you did still want to donate, click here to donate via credit card, or send me an email - loveisdeeperstill AT gmail DOT com - and I can send you PayPal details.)

As a result of the amazing generosity of family and friends, I could smile on my birthday. I actually had a really lovely day with my husband (including a delicious lunch at Fasta Pasta!). It was just a quiet day, but it was just perfect. And I smiled whenever I thought of the Heartfelt Camera Kits, knowing the difference they will make.

So even though this is one week late, I just wanted to say thank you to those who helped make my day one filled with smiles instead of tears. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you.

My birthday wish

For the past little while, I've been dreading my birthday (and Christmas, but that's a story for a different time). My birthday is November 10, a little under a month away. Just the thought of a significant day without my baby girl was enough to make me get teary, and part of me just wanted to ignore the day altogether.

But then I had a thought - why not let this birthday make a difference?

One of my most treasured possessions are the photographs of Ariella that were taken by a Heartfelt photographer, Karen. If you haven't heard of Heartfelt, they organise for professional photographers to come take photographs of babies who are stillborn or premature, and children with serious or terminal illnesses. The incredible thing is that this service is free. Absolutely free. We received over 70 photos on a disc, and around 20 professionally printed. Karen, if you're reading this, thank you.

Photos are such a precious thing to bereaved parents, because in one sense, they are all we have left of our babies. I love being able to flick through Ariella's album, and know that I will never have to worry about forgetting what she looked like or having that memory fade.

The problem is that sometimes it is impossible for a Heartfelt photographer to respond to a request. All the photographers are volunteers, and while they frequently go out of their way to make it to hospitals or homes, sometimes it just cannot be done. Many hospitals do have a camera, so parents can at least get one photo of their precious bub. However, many of these cameras aren't all that great, leaving parents with grainy, fuzzy photos as their only images.

Heartfelt have begun putting together Camera Kits to donate to hospitals that are in need of a better camera. Each kit contains:
*Quality compact camera (engraved) chosen for its ability to work in low light situations and to work closeup
*A compact printer that can be taken into the room so families can be given a print straight away
*Paper and ink supplies
*Camera case
*An inservice from an experienced Heartfelt member

From Hearfelt's website

I want to make this birthday count. How often do we give or receive presents that, while nice, go unused after a while? There has to be a better way. Since I am somewhat dreading this birthday, I wanted to do something to make the day seem worthwhile. And that's when I decided what my birthday wish is this year:

My birthday wish is to raise enough money to donate a camera kit to a hospital in need.

The total cost of a kit is currently $860. It's a lot of money, I know. I have no idea if I will be able to raise enough, but I want to try. Please be assured that even if the total is not reached, the money will still be going to Heartfelt and will contribute to a camera kit.

If you were thinking of buying me a present, would you please put the money towards this instead? If you wanted to buy me a card, please consider donating that $5 to this cause instead. If you had been thinking about donating to an organisation in memory of Ariella, please donate to this cause.

You can donate by going to the mycause fundraising page I have set up by clicking here. The money donated via this site gets sent to Heartfelt monthly, clearly labelled so that Heartfelt know what project the money is for. You can donate on this site using PayPal or a credit card. If you have any troubles, please just send me a note (on my Facebook page or email to loveisdeeperstill AT gmail.com) and I can work something out for you.

I don't know what hospital will receive the kit, and I like that. When Karen donated her time to come to the hospital, take photos and then edit them, she was doing something incredibly kind for people that she didn't know. I like the idea of giving a camera kit to whatever hospital needs it most, whether I have a connection to that place or not.

I know it's a big goal. Maybe it will have to be my "birthday and Christmas wish". I guess we'll see.

**UPDATE - I'm already blown away by donations. The new aim is two camera kits. No matter how much is raised, it will all go to Heartfelt**

**UPDATE TWO - Apparently the PayPal option isn't appearing on the mycause site. If you want to use PayPal, please send me an email (address is further up in this post) and I will reply with my personal PayPal address. Then I will send  that money to Heartfelt on your behalf. Sorry for any inconvenience! **