Thursday, March 7, 2013


Lorelai: You know what they say about those who assume!
Emily: No, what do they say? 
Lorelai: You just...well...shouldn't.

It's true. So let me ask you one thing:
Please, please please - when it comes to a stillbirth, do not assume anything. 

I was told one day "oh, this must have tested your faith in God." Blanket statements like that give little room for a grieving parent to move; a statement that has "must" in it is essentially telling us how we should feel. And you may unintentionally make us feel guilty for not feeling the way we are "meant" to be feeling.

Ariella's death did not test my faith in God. I'm not trying to make myself "super-spiritual" or anything like that. I imagine that the death of a baby could make some people question their faith in God. That's ok. Every parent is different. While Ariella's death made me question a lot of things, there were some things I never questioned: God's faithfulness and love, and my husband's love for me. They are my unshakable rocks. 

So please don't assume anything. Don't tell us how we are feeling, rather, ask how we're feeling. It'll make a big difference, and probably lead to a more meaningful conversation.


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