Asking for help.
I don't know why, but that is something that I find very hard to do. I've been thinking about why I find it so hard, and I've come to a conclusion: it's because I don't want to burden other people with my needs.
Yes, I know. That's ridiculous. When someone asks me for help, or even vaguely mentions a need, I start to think of ways I can help. I don't react by thinking they are a burden! So why should I assume that people would do the same for me? It's not fair to my friends to think that, because it means I am underestimating their care and compassion. So I want to say this:
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to ask widely for help.
On Sunday I asked (via Facebook) if any friends could make us some meals, because I struggle to cook (side-effect of grief) and Marcus is working everyday. I hate knowing that he's going to come home from a full day of work only to have to both look after me and cook. I wish I could make it easier for him, but I just cannot handle having to cook. It's strange, but true. So, after having sporadically mentioned to friends/family that I needed help, I realised that wasn't enough. So I asked broadly. I was blown away by how many responded, and by who responded. It wasn't just the people that I see regularly, it was also people I haven't seen in years! I felt truly blessed by people's offers of help, and I know Marcus will enjoy the break from cooking the meals will bring.
Initially, after Ariella's birth, we had almost too many offers of help - we didn't know what to do with them all. I was saddened to realise a few months later that we hadn't accepted offers from some our closest friends. People wanted to help then, and although 4.5 months have passed, I shouldn't have assumed that people no longer wanted to help.
Asking for help. It's hard. It's humbling. But I'm learning that it's worth it.