Sunday, April 14, 2013

The effort of socialisation

My friend Sarah wrote a blog post, Imagine, in which she listed different things you could imagine in order to better understand the life of a bereaved mother. While I feel like I could have written so much of the list myself, one in particular stood out:
Imagine a grief so great that the effort of socialisation seems overwhelming. Imagine trying anyway.
That, right there, is my life. And it seems foreign to me, even after 11 weeks. I used to absolutely love being around people, I thrived on it.! If I was home by myself for a few days, with nothing planned, I would go mad! But now I'm the opposite. It's such an effort to make myself go out. Even to places that I love, like my church. It's overwhelming for me to contemplate going places, and I think it's because, most of the time, there is always going to be the 'one person'.

One who doesn't know.
One who tries to make me feel better.
One who doesn't talk to me.
One who looks at me with pity.
One who inadvertently says or does something that hurts.
One who has a baby...

But, even though it's overwhelming, I still try. Because although there is normally 'one person', there is always 'the other one'.

One who gives me a hug.
One who lets me grieve.
One who asks how I am.
One who asks how my hubby is.
One who prays for me.
One who wants to see photos.
One who lets me grieve.
One who mentions Ariella's name.
One who tells me they loved her too.
One who tells me they miss her.

As you can see, the second list is longer. And that's why I force myself to go out, even when it's the last thing I feel like doing. I don't always stay the whole time, nor will I always be actively involved. So if you see me standing off to the side, it's ok. Sometimes just being in a room with others is enough of a challenge, yet alone talking to people! But to everyone who has been 'the other one', thank you. You make socialising a bit easier, and for that, I am grateful.

6 comments:

Sarah said...

It's so nice to have that one person who will really ask. And I love hearing Evie's name and those who aren't afraid to say it. Thankful for friends like those.

Kerlie McGerser said...

This was great for me to read. I'm still in a limbo place right now, partly wanting to start venturing out more and partly content to stay home forever, even though I know I can't really do that. Thanks especially for the second list - it's something to help me stop being afraid of the outside world.

Larissa said...

Those friends are the best :)

Larissa said...

It is so hard, if only we could just let the world go past hey? I'm glad the second list helps you :) I hope it gets easier for you.

sparklebright16 said...

Hi Larissa, just read your blog, well some of the posts, have cried and felt my heart break for you. I met you a few years ago at BCSA for a short course in counselling. I have to say your words hear echo so much with so much we travel through in life. The love you shared for Ariella is tangible, and beautiful, never let that go, I know she knows how much she is loved and cherished by her mummy and daddy. Thank you for being courageous and sharing your journey through grief, your lists in this post in particular are helpful. Praying your heart continues slowly to heal but you never let her go.

Sherie

Larissa said...

Thanks Sherie, I remember you and that class. I hope you have been well since then! Thank you for reading my blog, and especially for the prayers, I don't know where I'd be without so many people praying for us.

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