Thursday, September 19, 2013

Forever is a really long time

Sometimes it hits me that I'll always miss Ariella. Everyday. For the rest of my life. Forever. And that's a really long time.

Missing her isn't like missing my sister, who is living overseas for three years. Because my sister will come back; Ariella won't. Forever is a really long time. 

The hurt I feel at her absence isn't like the hurt from a friend who doesn't speak to me. Because friendships come and go; a daughter should not be gone. Forever is a really long time. 

Every time that I look at the dirty washing that needs doing, I know there should be a stack of little baby clothes also waiting to be washed. I pre-washed all her clothes while I was pregnant, but I'll never wash clothes for her again. Her clothes will forever sit unwashed. Forever is a really long time. 

I see parents playing with their little girls on the playground near my house, pushing them in the swings and catching them at the bottom of the slide. I'm reminded that I've forever lost the chance to play with our little girl. Forever is a really long time. 

On every Mothers Day. On every Fathers Day. On every birthday, anniversary and Christmas. In every family photo, there will forever be one person missing. One sweet little girl, with blue eyes and wavy brown hair. 

Forever is a really long time. 

(*Disclaimer - as a Christian, I do believe that I will see Ariella again in Heaven. Trust me, if it wasn't for that belief I wouldn't cope anywhere near as well.  But please understand that sometimes it's hard to see past this life without her. This life can seem like forever. And forever is a really long time.)


Actually Amy said...

Hi Larissa, you don't know me, but I know your sister. I have sat here trying to find the right words but there aren't any. So I just wanted to say this, your post brought tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart. You write beautifully and yes, forever is a really long time indeed.


Larissa said...

Thank you Amy <3

♥.Trish.♥ Drumboys said...

It's been 9yrs and forever still ... I look at little girls about 9yrs old and wonder what she would been like.
I know Alyce too and I was only thinking of you yesterday.
It does get easier xox

Larissa said...

Some days I really struggle to think about how I'll never be able to look at babies born this year and not wonder about how Ariella would have grown up.
Thank you...I'm finding it's already easier than initially, but still, so hard!

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