Today I'm grateful for the mum's group I went to this morning. We met in the park next to this (mostly dry) creek. Not a great photo to represent this, but I only thought to take a photo after putting Levi in the car, so my options were limited! A friend invited me along last week and I felt very welcomed into the group. Today was my second time attending, and it was an interesting morning! My poor son was not very happy as he didn't get enough sleep for his morning nap. This led to him crying for a large chunk of the morning, which always is a struggle for me. I know it's not logical, but this is what goes through my mind when Levi is really upset:
Nothing I can do is making him happy or calm. I am failing my son. Failure. I failed Ariella. I couldn't keep her alive.
And then I cry. It's a battle to stay composed, especially in front of a group of people; I didn't want to cry and look silly. But as the tears began to fall, they were met with offers of help, words of encouragement, prayer and a hug. I didn't feel silly for crying, I felt normal. It's hard to know how many of my struggles are because Ariella died and what is "normal" for any parent. I think that most of the time, it is both. But today, I actually felt normal. That doesn't happen all that often.
So ladies, I doubt that many of you will see this. But for those who do - I am very grateful for all of you. Thank you for your help, patience and encouragement this morning, it meant more than you will ever know.