Wednesday, April 2, 2014

TGP: Mums group in the park

Today I'm grateful for the mum's group I went to this morning. We met in the park next to this (mostly dry) creek. Not a great photo to represent this, but I only thought to take a photo after putting Levi in the car, so my options were limited! A friend invited me along last week and I felt very welcomed into the group. Today was my second time attending, and it was an interesting morning! My poor son was not very happy as he didn't get enough sleep for his morning nap. This led to him crying for a large chunk of the morning, which always is a struggle for me. I know it's not logical, but this is what goes through my mind when Levi is really upset:

Nothing I can do is making him happy or calm. I am failing my son. Failure. I failed Ariella. I couldn't keep her alive.

And then I cry. It's a battle to stay composed, especially in front of a group of people; I didn't want to cry and look silly. But as the tears began to fall, they were met with offers of help, words of encouragement, prayer and a hug. I didn't feel silly for crying, I felt normal. It's hard to know how many of my struggles are because Ariella died and what is "normal" for any parent. I think that most of the time, it is both. But today, I actually felt normal. That doesn't happen all that often. 

So ladies, I doubt that many of you will see this. But for those who do - I am very grateful for all of you. Thank you for your help, patience and encouragement this morning, it meant more than you will ever know.


Julie said...

I'm glad you were loved. You are such an amazing mum to your precious angel Ariella and your chubby cheek Levi. Having a breakdown and feeling like a failure if very normal mummy territory, in fact I did it last week. Big hugs!!!

Larissa said...

Thank you Julie <3

Sharna said...

I'm glad you were in a positive, supportive environment, and hope this will always be the case when you are struggling! Know that I love you, even though I can't come to see you for another two months! Hugs from Spain!

Larissa said...

Can't wait to see you when you get back!

Phili said...

Larissa, it has been so lovely to have you join our group :) Thank you for sharing this, but in particular your internal thoughts. I knew that day that the normality of the struggle of a crying baby must in some ways be complicated by different emotions for you but I now realise that I can't presume to know what they might be! You are in no way a failure. When we enter motherhood we are all wonderful at heaping high and unrealistic expectations upon ourselves - I hope bible study is a place where we can all remind each other that our children are really God's children and therefore ultimately in His hands (something of which I'm sure you have a much deeper grasp than most). xx

Larissa said...

Thank you Phili - it's been lovely getting to know you :)

Post a Comment

Blog Design by Franchesca Cox