Rainbow Baby: Update

About eight weeks ago, I shared the news that our second baby is on the way. Understandably, I've had a lot of questions from a lot of people...mostly the same questions! So I thought I'd update you all on how things are going, and hopefully answer those commonly asked questions!

Q: How are you going?
A: I am doing pretty well. The morning sickness eased quite a few weeks ago and only occasionally rears its head now. An easier pregnancy sickness-wise was one of our main prayers, and we're very grateful that God has answered that prayer.

Q: How far along are you?
A: I am halfway through this pregnancy now! And yes, it is going quickly.

Q: Is everything going alright with the baby? Can you feel kicks yet?
A: Yes. Things are going pretty much perfectly! I've felt kicks for weeks now and it's such a nice feeling. The scans we've had show a perfectly formed little person - ten fingers, ten toes, and a beating heart. 

Q: Is it a boy or a girl and do you have names picked?
A: We have some names picked, but won't be telling anyone what they are until this baby is born. In terms of this baby's gender, we aren't finding out. But it seems the general consensus is that it is a boy - I think my 2 year old niece is the only one to have guessed girl so far!

Q: Do you have extra medical care this time?
A: I am seeing the same midwife I saw throughout Ariella's pregnancy. She was absolutely lovely, and this pregnancy is low-risk, so I am able to have midwife care instead of seeing a doctor the whole way. I'm so grateful for this! It's nice not to have to be at the hospital for frequent appointments (or any appointments really, since my midwife comes to our home for appointments). It's also nice to know that every appointment will be with someone who knows about Ariella and was with us throughout her pregnancy, birth and the weeks afterward.

I've saved the most common question for last.

Q: Are you nervous or anxious?
A: I have to admit this is a fair question, but the answer may surprise you: no, I am no more nervous or anxious than I was at this stage with Ariella's pregnancy. That might seem crazy to you - after all, my first pregnancy ended with an unexplained, full term stillbirth. Surely I must be worried it will happen again! And initially, I was. After all, my one and only experience with being pregnant ended in stillbirth; it was all I knew. I mentioned earlier that one of our main prayers had been that I would not be as sick this pregnancy as last time. The other major prayer was that we would be calm, not anxious, and able to enjoy this pregnancy. God has well and truly answered those prayers. I am not nervous that this baby will die; in fact, I fully anticipate bringing home a living baby in January. 

One of my favourite Bible verses is this:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This pregnancy is teaching me the truth of those words. For month now, we have been presenting our requests [for a healthy baby and non-anxious parents] to God, and He's been answering. I cannot explain the peace that I feel, it certainly does transcend all understanding. As I said earlier, I fully anticipate bringing home a living baby in January.

So there you have it - an update on this pregnancy and my emotional state. I hope I've answered all your questions, but if you have any others, please leave a comment here and I'll answer them in a future post.

Words you never want to hear

There are certain words you never want to hear. When you’re a child, you don’t want to hear the words “no more chocolate” and “it’s bedtime”. When you’re a teenager, those words are “you’re grounded”. As an adult, you don’t want someone to tell you “you’re fired”. Perhaps the words are less serious, like “your team was beaten in the grand final”. There are always things we don’t want to hear. As a pregnant woman, the last thing I wanted to hear was the words “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat”. But sadly, my husband Marcus and I did hear those words and we became something we never expected...

Today I have the privilege of sharing Ariella's story on a blog called Whimsy Wonderings. It's written by the lovely Mary, who has eight children. Six in Heaven, one in her arms, and one on the way. To read the rest of my post, click here.

I adore this picture, which Mary uses on her blog and FB page.

For those who have popped over to my little corner of the blogosphere from Mary's - welcome! Thank you for joining me here. I haven't posted much lately, but I have a stack of half-written posts and some ideas floating around my head that will hopefully become posts soon.

Mathias

Mathias is my friend's first son, and today should have been his third birthday. Instead, today marks both his birthday and his anniversary - 3 years in Heaven. I never got to meet this much loved little boy and was saddened by the fact I was unable to attend his funeral. I remember someone telling me about the service, and how sad it was to see such a small white coffin. They said "they shouldn't need to make coffins that small". I never dreamed that Mathias' mum and I would get to know each other better because of a second little white coffin.

Today marks three years of Mathias living in Heaven and seven months for Ariella. I have no idea how it all works in Heaven, but I hope they are playing together.

Happy birthday Mathias Raphael. You are missed.

I haven't forgotten you!

Hello lovely blog readers,

It's been almost two weeks since my last blog post. Sounds almost like a confession, doesn't it? I do have a good reason...I promise:

I've been too busy saving the world from evil super-villains and just haven't had time to write.

Don't believe me? How about:

I've been to busy being the perfect housewife - cooking, cleaning, sewing - and haven't had time to write.

Pfft. That's even less believable than the first one!!

Truth be told, I just haven't felt like I have a lot to say. Life has been plodding along relatively normally; work, church, grief. Learning to live without Baby #1 and anticipating life with Baby #2. On that topic, many people have been asking me how I am feeling about this next baby. One day I'll write a post to answer all those common questions :) I also have some other ideas for posts... I just need to be in the mood to write, and then they will be done!

Before I sign off for the night, I do want to say thank you to everyone who read and shared my A-Z guide on how to help after baby loss. I've been blow away by the response to that post, and I'm so glad my thoughts have been helpful for people. Thank you for your support.

August 13

August 13.

Many things have happened on this day (thanks to the ever reliable Wikipedia for these events):
*1521 - Tenochtitlan, now known as Mexico City, falls to the conquistador Hernan Cortes.
*1792 - King Louis XVI of France is arrested and declared an enemy of the people.
*1913 - Stainless Steel is first produced in the UK.
*1918 - Women enrol in the US Marine Corps for the first time.
*1946 - Writer H.G. Wells dies.
*1961 - East Germany closes the border between east and west Berlin to stop people fleeing to the west.
*1969 - A ticker tape parade is held in honour of the astronauts from Apollo 11.

But without a doubt, my favourite August 13 in history is the one that occurred in 1988. Because that's when one of my favourite people was born.

Alyce, happy birthday!

Alyce is my sister and one of my closest friends.

I was her maid of honour.

She was my matron of honour.

We have a lot of thing in common, such as a love for Josh Groban and the ability to produce cute offspring! :P We even, unintentionally, had the same top while pregnant (although a few years apart)!

The one thing we don't have in common is crafting abilities... I have next to none, while Alyce makes incredible quilts. She made a pram quilt for Ariella as well as a cot quilt, both of which we love.

Ariella's cot quilt, photo taken by Alyce.

And she's got fabric to make a quilt for Baby #2 also. You can see all of her wonderful creations as Blossom Heart Quilts.

Alyce, I love you. I hope you have a wonderful day today and that the Tokyo August weather isn't too disgusting for you!

Fab Friday

There's a group I am part of on Facebook that has decreed every Friday to be "Fabulous Friday" - that is, only positive posts are allowed in that group each Friday. I think it took the group a bit of getting used to, but I'm really glad the group admins have persisted and kept it going each week. Because last week, I thought Friday was anything BUT fabulous...

I'd had a difficult week. Too many milestones, not enough distractions (although, if I'm honest, the lack of distractions was largely due to my lack of motivation). On top of my own troubles that week, there were some things going on in the lives of friends that affected my emotions too. I got to Friday, heard some more bad news, and my bad week got even worse. As much as I wanted to vent, I knew that I couldn't do it in that Facebook group, because it was "Fabulous Friday".

Instead of venting elsewhere, the concept of Fab Friday made me stop and try to find a positive in my day. Although I thought I wouldn't be able to, when I thought hard enough, I find my positive for the day. It was so good to have to think of a positive, because there is almost always a positive in each day. Even when my baby has died.

Today, one week later, I've had a much better day. Lots of positives, including having a whole day to spend relaxing with hubby (who had a day off). A picnic lunch. A sleep-in. It's days like today that remind me that life is good. And it's always worth looking for a positive.

What's your positive thing on this Fab Friday?

I miss

When I flipped the calender to August, two little words that I had written jumped out at me: return capsule. Back in January, we had hired a car capsule to use for six months, and it was due to be returned six months after Ariella's due date. Of course, we returned it much sooner than that, but the note of the original return date remained on the calender. And seeing it made my heart jump.

I miss the days when my heart wouldn't jump unexpectedly.

I miss the days when people wouldn't avoid me.

I miss feeling truly happy.

I miss having motivation to do things.

I miss holding babies.

I miss enjoying meeting new people.

I miss life before January 30; I miss Ariella.