The above definition is the best I've heard to describe the term "rainbow baby". When I first heard that term, months ago, I didn't like it. I don't really know why, but I didn't. But then I read the above definition and suddenly I liked the term. Built into the term rainbow baby is the idea that a pregnancy/baby after loss does not negate the loss; that idea is very important to me. And here's why:
I'm pregnant again.
My husband and I have known for weeks now, which means we have had weeks to decide how to tell people. Many pregnancies are filled with pure joy and a longing to tell everyone about it. But a rainbow pregnancy is different, because the innocence of pregnancy is lost. I didn't look at the positive test and think yes! In nine months I'll have a baby to bring home, it was more like wow, I really hope I get to bring this baby home! Of course, I know that it is highly unlikely for things to go wrong, but I also know just how wrong things can go. This pregnancy, which we are so excited about, will always have an element of concern. As happy as I am to be pregnant with this little bub, I'm not going to be 100% happy or excited until they are in our arms, breathing, moving and crying. Which means that it was hard to tell people, because their first reaction is pure excitement, which is obviously better than them being upset! But it was confronting, because it seemed at times that people were more excited than I was!
We ended up telling some people in person, but most found out via a simple post on Facebook today. If you were one of the people that we called or messaged with news of Ariella's pregnancy, but didn't get a call or message this time, please know it's not because you're less important to us this year. Not at all. We just weren't really up to the emotion of telling too many people individually. I hope you all understand :)
Like any pregnancy, people have had some questions. So to answer some of those common questions:
*I am due in mid-January (which puts me about 12 weeks along). So yes, this baby will be here before Ariella's first birthday.
*No, we will not be finding out the gender, and no, we don't have a preference.
*Yes, we have some names in mind, but no, we won't be telling anyone what they are.
*Yes, I have been sick, but not as bad as last time (I'm very thankful to be able to get more sleep this time).
For other loss mums who read this blog, I want you to know that I don't plan on changing this blog to be all about this pregnancy and baby. My posts will still be similar to what they have been, and so please don't feel like you have to stop reading if pregnancy is a hard thing for you to hear about. I don't plan on blogging about it very often at all.
So there you have it. I'm pregnant. We're excited. Not too anxious. But very much praising God for this second little blessing. God is good!