The Hurt and the Healer

There are a number of songs that have become quite meaningful for me since Ariella's death. Some are specifically about stillbirth or suffering and some remind me of God's character. The Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe is a mixture of the two. It's a song that I feel I could have written myself (if I was any good at writing songs/poems!) as it beautifully captures how someone who is suffering can both suffer and trust God at the same time. To apply that to my situation: I can grieve about Ariella while still trusting in God. I'm allowed to be sad, even though I know my daughter is safe with God. Feeling hurt does not negate my belief that God is healer. Please don't try to "cheer me up" by reminding me that Ariella is with God. I am very grateful for that truth, but I can still be upset that my daughter is not with me and my husband.

I thought about just posting snippets of the lyrics - just the bits that really apply to me at the moment. But I then realised that if I did that, I'd be posting basically the whole song! So here it is:

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from being explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have, all that remains

So here I am,
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breath it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide 

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

It's the moment when humanity 
Is overcome by majesty 
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide

MercyMe - The Hurt and the Healer