Brave

My favourite singer is Josh Groban. Ever since I was first introduced to his music almost 10 years ago, I have eagerly awaited the release of new songs and albums. This year was no different. His latest album was due to be released on February 5, which was also Ariella's due date. For some reason that made me even more excited. I could have some amazing new music to listen to while holding my new baby. 

I didn't realise just how connected his songs would become to my daughter. 

The first single from the album is called Brave, and it was released about a week before Ariella's birth. Before the induction on Tuesday, my sister sent me the lyrics for the song. Even though I had listened to it multiple times (it had been on repeat for days,just ask my poor husband!), I hadn't connected with the lyrics until I read them in connection with my daughter's death:

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so.
You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's oh so close.
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face of what I don't understand,
My reason to be brave.

I wanted to run. I wanted to look away. No heartbeat? IT CAN'T BE SO! And it was oh so close. Too close. 

But my husband was my reason to be brave. I could not get through this without him. 

I love you Husband.

(To hear the whole song: Josh Groban, Brave)