What to say: I don't know what to say

People have said they find it hard to know what to say when a baby dies. So these posts are my effort to help. I have written a short list of what not to say after baby loss as well as another idea of what you can say.

I understand when people haven't got a clue what to say to me after Ariella's death. I do. A dear friend of mine had a stillbirth the week before I had Ariella, so I can relate to the feeling of helplessness and the desire not to cause more pain by saying the wrong thing. I've been on both sides of this horrible fence.

So if you haven't got a clue what to say to me, don't feel bad, just tell me that! One of the best encounters I had with someone in the weeks following Ariella's birth was when my friend hugged me and said "Larissa, I don't know what to say." I wasn't at all offended that he didn't know what to say, in fact the opposite was true. I walked away feeling loved and cared for, as well as happy that he'd acknowledged what had happened with my daughter.

It's as simple as that - if you don't know what to say, just say that. It's better than silence, trust me.