It all comes down to one thing

Life after loss is a very varied thing. I use the term 'life after loss' to label some of my blog posts, and the fact that I have 42 (now 43) posts with that label is evidence of how much there is to say about this topic.

Some days, life after loss looks remarkably like life before loss. We wake up, go to work, come home, go out to meet friends, go back to bed. It has its moments of normalcy.

Some days, life after loss looks like you might expect; it's full of tears, a desire to stay in bed and heart-wrenching pain. It has its moment that you hope don't last for too long.

Some days, life after loss looks like a mixture of both. It's going out somewhere and then hiding in the toilet so you can cry without being questioned. It's laughing at a joke and choking back tears because you saw a pram in the background. It has its moments that are just so conflicting.

It's laughter turning into tears.
Smiles hiding the pain.
Guilt underneath the enjoyment.
Jealousy just beneath the surface.

It's treasuring the small things.
Knowing not to take a moment for granted.
Loving more than you knew was possible.
Finding God's strength when your own has run out.

But no matter what it looks like or what the predominant emotion seems to be, it all comes down to one thing. Whether I'm at work or in bed, laughing with friends or crying alone, sometimes it just comes down to three simple words: I miss her.