Insomnia

I wrote this at the start of the month, but it holds true especially tonight, on the eve of the worst day of the year:

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The minutes tick by and I'm aware that Seanna may wake at any moment. It's past midnight, we're all sick and I could certainly use the rest. Except I can't sleep. 

Because it's January. 

Aside from Levi's birthday, that oh so wonderful day at the start of the month, there's not much I like about this month. I mean, what is there to like about the month my daughter died in? I've never downloaded Timehop because I didn't want unexpected reminders; I didn't think I could handle it. But now Facebook shows memories in my newsfeed "because they care about me". Thanks for that Facebook. I can't say I wanted to be reminded of how excited people were to meet our baby...the baby they never actually did meet. Because she died. And every January that fact keeps me awake. 

I hate you January. 

I wish you'd let me sleep.